The Hidden Life Read online

  Table of Contents

  Front Matter

  Note to the Reader

  Dedication

  Prologue

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Epilogue

  About The Author

  Books by Erin Noelle

  Acknowledgements

  The Hidden Life

  © 2016 Erin Noelle

  All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in retrieval systems, copied in any form or by any means. Electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise transmitted without written permission from the author/ publisher, except by a reviewer that may quote brief passages for review purposes only. This book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each participant.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, is entirely coincidental.

  All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. The author is no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

  Cover Design by Hang Le

  Editing by Kayla Robichaux

  Proofing by Jill Sava

  Formatting by Jill Sava

  The Hidden Life is a supplemental novella to the full-length novel, The Perfect Life, and is only intended to be read after finishing The Perfect Life. It provides an alternate point of view based on one of the supporting characters, Seth Andrews, and is not meant to be read as a standalone story.

  If you haven’t read, The Perfect Life, you can download it here.

  Thank you.

  For Jill,

  without you, none of this would happen.

  “I have not fallen

  in love with a

  body, but merely

  a soul, and that,

  has made all the

  difference.”

  -Christopher Poindexter

  Seth

  I KNEW BEFORE he did. There was no way in hell that any living, breathing, heterosexual teenaged boy could pass up the amount of pussy that Colin Cassidy did during his four years of high school. I don’t care how strong your relationship with God is, or how devoted you are to school and football. When hundreds, and I mean hundreds, of females ranging in age from fourteen to thirty-five throw themselves at you constantly, and you don’t give in once — not once — to a moment of weakness, you’re either not human, or you’re gay.

  My best friend happened to be gay. He just had no idea… well, not until I got ahold of him the night of our graduation.

  But wait, I’m getting ahead of myself. First, let me give you a little background on our relationship. You see, Colin and I had pretty much been inseparable since the time his family moved in next door to mine when we were seven. Our parents clicked immediately, and the two of us, along with my little sister Effie, often spent the evenings over at each other’s house, eating dinner and playing in the backyard or basement for hours on end. We vacationed together, and even celebrated holidays as a group. I have difficulty remembering a time before the Cassidys; Colin’s just always been a fixture in my life. My best friend and partner in crime.

  When he became the starting quarterback our freshman year at St. Thomas More, many people thought at first that he’d been given the job because his dad was the coach; however, it didn’t take but a couple of games of him showing off his rocket of an arm for everyone to change their tune. Before long, he was hands-down the most popular kid on campus. His captivating charm, classic good looks, and genuinely friendly personality didn’t hurt either. Every guy wanted to be him, and every girl wanted to do him.

  But all Colin wanted was to play football, make good grades, and chill with his friends on the weekends. Unlike him, I succumbed to my moments of weakness. Often. Like… real often.

  In my defense, it wasn’t exactly a level playing field. Obviously, my place as captain on the rowing crew or leadoff on the debate team didn’t have quite the same effect on chicks as Colin’s starring role on the football team, and I wasn’t above being the guy who helped the girls my friend rejected feel wanted and cherished. And there was plenty to choose from, believe you me. Some nights, a couple of them would need comforting at the same time. Those were always my favorites.

  A bona fide man-slut, I flew under the radar from nasty rumors and immature gossip for the most part, thanks to Colin’s reputation and his popularity. No one dared talk shit about me, because it might get back to Mr. All-American himself. And like most normal teenagers, I took advantage of the opportunities as they presented themselves to me. Skirts with no panties were most common, and I was a sucker for the little plaid numbers the girls at our school wore as uniforms.

  However, by the beginning of my senior year, I’d grown bored with having sex. Well, maybe not sex exactly, but the girls I was having it with. They were predictable, clingy, annoying. Easy. Even when I’d find one that would play hard to get, keeping me entertained with the thrill of the chase, by the time we were naked and I was thrusting my dick in either her mouth or her pussy, I’d end up hurrying through it just to get it over with and dismiss her. There was never any emotion involved. It was nothing more than… sex.

  I wanted something different.

  It was around that time that I started venturing out in my porn selections — something all seventeen-year-old guys partake in, by the way; don’t let them lie to you — and I began trying some new flavors, many that included multiple guys in them. Usually, the guys were solely focused on pleasuring the girl, but occasionally, I noticed times when their erections would rub up against each other if she had both in her mouth at the same time, and surprisingly, my dick responded.

  I had suspected Colin was gay by then, but it wasn’t something we’d talked about. As a matter of fact, sex wasn’t something we ever talked about. He knew I had it. I knew he didn’t. That was that. Plus, there really wasn’t a good way of asking your best friend if he was attracted to dudes, without things being really awkward and strained afterward if he denied it, and chances were… he was going to deny it.

  So over a couple of months, as I watched more and more of these videos and became more and more turned on, I came to grips with the fact I thought guys and dicks were just as sexy as chicks and pussies, and before I knew it, I was streaming gay male porn as frequently as I was straight couples. Often, the guys looked more into each other and invested in the scene than the girls did, and it was that passion — that connection — I craved.

  And it didn’t take me long to realize that I craved it with Colin, and only Colin.

  By our final semester of high school, my desire for him had grown into a near obsession. I thought about him constantly. I dreamed about him. I jacked off to thoughts of him. I didn’t know what to do, what to say. Our friendship meant everything to me, and I wasn’t ready to risk it if he gave me the same rejection he’d given to the clamoring hordes of females. Or worse, cut ties with me completely, because he was repulsed by my immoral, sinful thoughts.

  I tried to pull back some and not hang out with him as often as we normally did, hoping a little space between us would
help me focus, but he called me out right away and asked why I was avoiding him. I lied and claimed we needed to get used to not being around each other as much, since he was going to college in Michigan and I was staying in Massachusetts, but he contended that was even more reason to spend time together — to make the best of the few months we had left.

  I couldn’t argue with his logic, and truth be told, I didn’t want to stay away from him. I wanted him closer to me than he’d ever been before. I loved him like I’d never loved anyone else. I just didn’t know how to tell him.

  “I have dreams where our souls

  dance with silhouettes

  and the only light that exists

  is the reflection of the moon

  across the sea.

  I have dreams where it

  is just you and me

  and we are infinite

  and we are careless

  and we are brave

  as the waves

  crash like burning ashes

  against our

  tired feet.”

  -Christopher Poindexter

  Seth

  “CONGRATULATIONS, SETH, THAT was an excellent speech!” my grandfather Ralph exclaimed as he approached where I stood near the grill, patting me on the back. “Your grandma and I couldn’t be any prouder of you! Class president, salutatorian, and a full-ride to Northwestern to boot, the next thing we know, you’ll be President of the United States.”

  Chuckling, I shook my head while flipping the last of the burgers for the late-arriving guests to Colin’s and my joint graduation party, and then set the spatula down as I turned to face him. “Well, I appreciate the vote of confidence, Grandpa, but I have no interest in a life of politics. After four years on the debate team, I’ve had my fill of arguing public policy and trying to convince people of my ideas. I think I’ll stick to the behind-the-scenes arena and do all the research for those who like to be raked over the coals on a daily basis. Seems like a lot less indigestion and gray hair that way.”

  His smile widened as he ruffled the brown mop on top of my head like I was eight instead of eighteen. “You know I support whatever you want to do, but what do you know about indigestion and gray hair, boy? You’re just entering the prime of your life, for God’s sake. You should be worried about chasing tail and how many beers you can funnel before passing out. Just make sure you wear a condom and don’t let anybody take pictures of you while acting like a fool, and you can concern yourself with that other crap after you finish college. Now’s the time to go find out who you are, what tickles your fancy.”

  As if on cue, Colin strolled up right at that moment, carrying the bottle of water I’d asked him to get nearly ten minutes before. His gray T-shirt clung to his broad chest, showing off his well-defined pecs and abs more so than usual, thanks to the hot, humid, and sunny June afternoon, and his khaki cargo shorts hung just perfectly off of his hips.

  If I stared long enough, I would’ve been able to see the outline of his thick shaft behind the zipper area, shading just to the left like it always did, but I didn’t stare at it. At least, not right then with my grandfather there. Something told me that announcing that Colin was what I fancied probably wouldn’t have been included in that whole “I support whatever you want to do” part of what Gramps had just said.

  It didn’t matter though; I’d stolen enough glimpses at his crotch throughout the day for the image to pop into my head and make my own cock stir. Jesus, I’ve got to stop perving on my best friend. Especially around our families.

  “Took ya long enough, dude,” I scoffed as I reached for the water, pushing back the confusing, corrupted thoughts that had seemed to creep in my head more and more frequently. “Good thing I’m not dying of dehydration over here or anything while I cook for all of your bottomless-pit teammates.”

  Rolling his eyes and ignoring my quip, Colin shifted his attention to my grandfather like the well-mannered guy he always was. “Thanks again for coming out to celebrate with us today, sir. Your and Mrs. Andrews’ support has always meant the world to me, like I know it does to Seth too. I’m gonna miss seeing you guys in the bleachers at my games.”

  “We’ll still be here cheering for you, bud.” Grandpa smiled and reached up to lightly slap him on the shoulder, much like he’d just done to me, though with Colin’s six-and-a-half-foot frame, it took a little more stretching on the older man’s part. “And if I can convince Rose of it, we may just fly out to see one of your games at the Big Stadium.”

  “The Big House, Grandpa, not the Big Stadium,” I corrected him, while transferring the patties from the grill to a serving platter. Glancing over at him, I threw a wicked smirk in his direction. “And if you and Grams are heading out to Michigan, I assume you’ll need a chaperone to help you guys get around. I wouldn’t want you to get lost trying to find a stadium that doesn’t exist or anything.”

  “See there?” Grandpa nodded his head toward me, but kept his eyes on Colin. “He’s always politicking, even when he claims he’s not. Scheming and finagling his way to get what he wants. What’s he gonna do without you around to keep him in line, Cassidy?”

  A deep belly laugh rumbled out of my best friend as his green eyes twinkled with mischief. “Sir, I’ve been trying to keep him in line for eleven years now, and I still haven’t figured it out, but I’m pretty sure Seth’s smart enough to keep himself out of any real trouble, with or without me around. I’m willing to bet—”

  “Colin, there you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you.” My sixteen-year-old sister Effie suddenly appeared and inserted herself in the middle of our makeshift circle, cutting Colin off before he could finish his thought.

  All of our gazes swung to her as she bounced excitedly from foot to foot in her low-cut tank top and cut-off denim shorts, an outfit chosen for the benefit of only one person. The one she’d been infatuated with all her life — Colin.

  Sadly, she thought her major obstacle was to get him to see her as something other than the younger sister he never had, but little did she know, she never had a chance. Unless she was willing to get a sex change.

  Plus, even if he wasn’t aware yet, he already belonged to me. Well, I hoped he did… or he would once he realized what I had figured out months before. But with our high school graduation ceremony that morning and the two-month summer break already upon us, it became clear I was running out of time before we both left for college and I possibly missed my chance to show him what we could be together. I needed to act. Give him the push he needed.

  “Earth to Seth, are you even listening to me?” Effie waved her hands in front of my face, pulling me back to reality from my wandering thoughts.

  “W-what did you say?” I blinked hard to clear the haze in my vision.

  Huffing an exasperated sigh, she propped her hands up on her hips with all the sass of a teenaged diva. “I asked if you wanted to join the horseshoes tournament that Dad and Uncle Joe are organizing. You’ll need to find a partner though, ‘cause Colin just agreed to be mine.” She looked up over her shoulder at him and batted her eyelashes for a few seconds then snapped her victorious smirk back over to me. “Good luck.”

  I lifted my gaze to Colin, who could only shrug and give me the what-was-I-supposed-to-say-to-her look. Chuckling, I shook my head and crossed my arms over my chest, knowing with Effie as his teammate there was a very small chance they would win. My sister had the worst hand-eye coordination I'd ever witnessed, and Colin was the most competitive person I’d ever met. The two of them on the same team would surely make for some worthy afternoon entertainment.

  “Pssh… who needs luck when you’ve got skill? Ain’t that right, Grandpa?” I looked over at my grandfather and lifted my eyebrows in a silent invitation to be my partner, hoping he understood.

  Thankfully, the old man didn’t let me down.

  “Skills and experience,” he boasted, as he matched my bowed-up stance in an action of solidarity. We Andrews men had to stick together. “You two are go
ing down.”

  Subsequent shit-talking ensued for a couple of minutes until Colin and Effie were called away to play their first match at the same time Grams asked Grandpa to help her do something, finally giving me a chance to relax. Ever since I’d started thinking about Colin in a not-just-my-best-friend-because-now-I-want-to-fuck-his-brains-out way, I would tense up when I was around him. And it sucked. I missed just thinking about him as the guy who I’d grown up playing in the dirt with, or riding bikes with, or sleeping in a tent in our backyards when we had a sleepover with. But for the life of me, every time I looked at him now, all I could think about was his cock. Touching it. Stroking it. Sucking it. Feeling him inside me.

  I was losing my fucking mind. Having a super-duper fucking quarter-life crisis at eighteen. It was the only explanation.

  Squeezing my eyes shut, I shook my head back and forth really fast for a couple of seconds, hoping the jerky motion would shake some sense back into me. But when I opened my lids and Colin’s large frame came into focus from across the yard as he waved me over to where he and Effie had meandered to, I knew I couldn’t let it go. I had to know if he felt the same. And I planned to confront him as soon as I could get him alone.

  HOURS LATER, AS the warm New England sun rapidly sunk into the horizon, Colin and I said goodbye to most of the partygoers, thanking them for coming and all the well wishes. Our parents had disappeared inside my house for some coffee and to talk about whatever adults talked about when they hung out, leaving the two of us alone. Luckily, one of Effie’s friends had invited her to go to the movies and for a sleepover, and though it was obvious she didn’t want to leave Colin’s side, when he encouraged her to go, she did just as he said.

  “You wanna head down to the creek? I heard Jason was having a bonfire get-together tonight with everyone,” I proposed, as I glanced around the yard, surprised how much of the food and décor my mom had already cleaned up. I was really going to miss having her around to do my laundry and make my bed.